The Good, The Bad, The Ugly .... I mean .... Just the Bad!

For the first time since I've moved to northern Saskatchewan I feel truly victimized.

Last night, close to midnight, I heard this really loud bang that made myself and my cat jump literally off the couch. Usually when I hear noises I look outside to make sure that everything is copacetic but the fear I felt last night kept me glued to the couch. This morning when I woke up I went through my usual routine and geared myself up for an afternoon at the school. What I found when I left the house had me in tears; in fact it still has me in tears. My driver's side window was shattered and the rock that shattered it was thrown with such force it destroyed the inside of the passenger's side door. It was obvious the vandals were looking for some treasures but alas there was nothing to steal. I knew that I wasn't immune to the vandalism that runs rampant in this town but to actually become a victim of it frightens me and angers me. This act of violence was way too close to home and I do not feel safe in the one place where I should feel the safest.

And now I feel torn ... do I stay in a place where I do not feel safe just because it is here I have a job? Do I go home where I ultimately feel the safest but I have no source of income? Is financial security more important than one's right to be safe in their environment and maintain a peaceful state of mind?

Someone please tell me ... what should I do?

"Solidarity"

It's official - I'm hooked!

Tony Danza's show was on tonight and much like last week I found myself watching it. This week's episode was especially interesting. Mr. Danza found himself in the midst of teenage angst and without an outlet to release said teenage angst the outcome was chaos and turmoil. Simply put: teenagers were fighting with one another. I actually found myself a little jealous of the policies in place at this school. If students are caught misbehaving - fighting verbally and physically - they meet with a mediating team. The mediating team consists of a staff member, whose only job it is to mediate when problems arise, and a teacher (in this case, Mr. Danza). They sign a contract stating that they participated in the mediation. If they get into trouble again more serious consequences occur beginning with suspension. The episode tonight focused on Mr. Danza's desire to instill positive behavior in his students. Mr. Danza also tried very hard to let his students know that he understands and that he does, in fact, care. Tonight's show was definitely interesting but it was what he said at the very end of the episode that literally made me snap my head up from my computer and look up at the television screen. It was like I was hearing my own words spoken in a husky Italian accent. He said . . . "I'm not sure they want you to care." Interesting ...

"Teach"

I watched Tony Danza's new show tonight called "Teach". The premise of this new reality television show is this: Tony Danza goes back to school to teach English to high school students. I have to be honest, it was really reassuring to watch him struggle in the classroom. It was hard not to compare his experiences with my own. Struggling with classroom management. Talking too much to students who were not listening. Fighting for student engagement. Fear of failing the kids. At one point in the show; however, Tony Danza "hooks" the students. After all of the struggle he sees some success. Watching Tony Danza's struggles and successes made me appreciate and cherish my own. It's corny, I know.

When I first started watching the show I thought ... "OMG" ... this may not be good for teachers. The show did; however, portray the tremendous devotion and hard work, extra hours, and all the time teachers take in their planning for the students. Most importantly, it showed how much teachers CARE about their students. I've only watched one episode so far but I think I'm hooked. I feel compelled to watch Tony Danza's teaching adventure. I'll keep you posted.

Things you do NOT say/tell/ask your teacher!

This year I've created an anchor chart entitled: "Things you do not say/tell/ask your teacher!" Since the beginning of the school year I have had many students say/tell/ask inappropriate things or questions. Often I would say: "that is something your teacher does not need or want to know." or "You should really reconsider saying that in front of your teacher." or "That is an inappropriate question to ask your teacher." Truthfully, many of the statements or questions are quite funny and really do put a smile on my face. That does not; however, provide an excuse to be inappropriate. I decided to have an anchor chart in my room to display the many inappropriate things students say to me or in front of me. It has provided me many smiles and the students actually look forward to seeing if anything new has been added.

The following is what has made it to the chart thus far:
1. Have you ever kissed an Asian man?
2. I left to go smoke dope.
3. Did you get loaded?
4. Can you tell me why I'm still sitting here? (This is one of my personal favorites.)
5. We made a deal when he tried to make me chug whiskey! (BTW: the deal was to graduate high school ... although I do not condone drinking I am impressed that they are pushing each other to finish school!)
6. "F" school (said in a joking way, of course).

Never a dull moment!

I Wish

I'm not entirely sure why I haven't written much lately. Well ... that's not exactly true. The honest truth is that I just don't feel inspired. I feel like I have nothing worthy or interesting to say. Even now I find myself typing and deleting over and over again. Perhaps I'm just not motivated. I don't want to write about work but besides my job I have nothing to say. It seems like the job has pretty much consumed my life lately and it has left no room for anything else. When I'm not teaching I'm lesson planning. When I'm not lesson planning I'm unit planning. And when I'm not unit planning I'm agonizing over everything else I have to worry about: discipline plans, year plans, growth plans, behaviour plans, etc., etc., etc. Can anyone tell me when it will end?

I went to a friend's tonight for some relaxation. It was lots of fun; Rockband can cure anything. Our conversation; however, frequently seemed to drift back to work ... specifically problems at work. Why have I let the problems and the negativity affect me so greatly? Sometimes I wish that I could let those problems and the negative aspects of the job just fade away. I wish I had the capacity to not let them eat away at me. I wish I had the capability to just not care. I find that I've been wishing a lot lately. I wish, I wish, I wish ....